Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Cam Waters

THIS IS COPYRIGHTED/TRADEMARKED ETC. BY THE WAY DON'T YOU FUCKING STEAL IT!


CAM, looking haggard and worn out, walks to bookshelf where he picks up a compact disc. On the cover is a picture of himself holding a guitar. He sets it down and glances at a magazine cover pinned to the wall above the bookshelf. The image on the cover is of him with the headline "Did This Man Save Rock?" He takes another big drink and then sees himself in the mirror.

CAM

(in a disgusted voice)

Is this man the joke of rock?

2 comments:

Eric Mallory said...

I am so excited.
I can't wait for my audition for "Drunk Hick #1"

Annie Trambley said...

I found this gem in a Christian newspaper last summer on my way to my linear algebra class. I re-found it in my archives this morning. I think you'll like it:

Center Around Jesus

On a number line with Jesus at infinitely positive and Satan at infinitely negative Paul is zero. Christians tend to fall in a standard distribution around zero. This measure solves people elevating Paul into equal status with Jesus. With Paul defining the center, his positives keeping him half within God's Kingdom and his negatives keeping him half in Satan's kingdom, Christians have to evaluate themselves, with the negative ones being black-hearted tares and the positive ones true wheat but still far from Jesus, with only a rare few well on their way to Him.
Christians should move the average of their standard distribution toward Jesus so all believers center around Him. This change is needed to make the majority of Christians worthy of rapture or ascending to His throne in love. Jesus said we can do all the works (miracles) he did and the greater things because he goes to the Father. He commanded we heal the sick and raise the dead. Can you do that? If not, move to the right by loving God first and obeying that....

I lost the rest of it, but I think that's enough anyway. This was the most high-quality newspaper article containing both statistics and jesus that I've read all year. I hope you enjoy it.

Annie