Sunday, December 28, 2008

Aging Backward



I made two of these shirts for Joel's and my big night at the movies. The new Brad Pitt flick!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Snow Pong

Alaska

I love Alaska but I have problems with anyone trying to slay a 16 foot snowman.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

!

!!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Great New Shirt Design



A Couple of Things I Saw In The Snow



Some dudes cross country skiing in St. Johns and a cardboard cutout guy keeping warm.

Merry Christmas Travis

My buddy Travis is living in South Africa for six months. I talked to him today on Skype and he asked me about the snow here in Portland. Hey Trav-dog- here's a little video I made for you! Merry Christmas!


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Oh Lord' de power of da' Stars



David.... is this your missing Christmas sweater?

Winter Fucking Wonderland!


The desolate frozen streets of St. Johns


Heidi and Gina



WFW



Thursday, December 11, 2008

1975 and 2008


Dad and I cooking in the woods.

The Power of Art



Two selected drawings by Holly Temple: Man Playing Harmonica and Elephant Man in Happier Times


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Pandora's Box


For those of you who don't know what Pandora's Box is, it's an awesome novelty dispenser found in some men's bathrooms. I love Pandora's Box because it's completely insane how ridiculous the goodies you can get from it are. Look at the loot I scored at the Portsmouth Tavern! Not only did we see the Ducks destroy the Beavers at this fine establishment, but I walked away with Pecker Stiffener, a Pecker Stretcher and The Qualifyer. These three treasures were the last in the machine unfortunately. The first aid pecker stiffener is a mysterious white powder. I'm gonna stash it
away some where and only break it out years from now when it's
do or die time. That stuff might kill me so it might as well be worth it.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Cam Waters

THIS IS COPYRIGHTED/TRADEMARKED ETC. BY THE WAY DON'T YOU FUCKING STEAL IT!


CAM, looking haggard and worn out, walks to bookshelf where he picks up a compact disc. On the cover is a picture of himself holding a guitar. He sets it down and glances at a magazine cover pinned to the wall above the bookshelf. The image on the cover is of him with the headline "Did This Man Save Rock?" He takes another big drink and then sees himself in the mirror.

CAM

(in a disgusted voice)

Is this man the joke of rock?

Chalkboard in the Leisure Bathroom




Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The dmv, coffee and a beard



I went to the dmv this morning to get a new license. I got one, but was a bit dissapointed that the camera couldn't capture the full extent of my beard garden. It only got like the top 1/4 of my work! The photo machine was new to them and it kept shutting down for unknown reasons. The girl at the counter was nice, but she told me she didn't know how long it would take to get the camera back on line. I asked her if there was a coffee shop nearby and she told me about Northstar near Lombard, and that she would call when the machine was working. I went to the coffee shop, which was great by the way, there were several other beardos hanging out. I told the lady working the dmv sent me. She and her coworker smiled and laughed and she said "we should send them some coffee as a thank you."

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Deep River, Washington

1915





2008

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Wondering About the Future

This comic from the Mercury reminds me of
this video of Bon Iver






Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Perfect Headline

'Randy Coffman'

Growing up I occasionally would visit the turn of the century cemetery near my house. A 10 minute walk would put me deep in the woods gazing upon the gray and mossy headstones. Some from the 1800's. Some from only a few years before. There were four headstones that would always catch my eye: the Coffmans. Marbles in the cement created the names of what appeared to be four sisters who died a year or two apart only twenty years before. Taken in their teen years. Standing in the rain and the dimming light of the day I would imagine the family torn apart by tragedy. What happened to these poor girls?

One night I was driving home following the twists and turns of the country road through the Nestucca River valley. Typical of the coast the rain is pounding my windshield and my headlights barely pierce the darkness. As I round a corner I see a young man standing on the roadside drenched and holding out his thumb. Feeling for him I pull over and offer a ride. As he opens the door a gust of wind blows in the rain and some fall leaves.

He tells me his name is Randy Coffman and he's going home after being gone for some years. His family only lives a couple of farms down from mine, but somehow I had never met them before. Remembering the sad marbles embedded in the headstones I ask him if he is related to the girls in the cemetery. "Yes," he says quietly, "those are my older sisters." Randy tells me how the family felt cursed, as one by one the girls perished in random accidents. A drowning took Martha, an aneurysm felled Jess, a fire Darcy. "Me and Heather knew we were next," he told me. "Heather slipped on the rocks down by Agate Beach. She hit her head." "I'm so sorry," I said.

I dropped Randy off at a farmhouse where I had never seen the lights on. It was dark and the house was in disrepair. He told me his parents were on their way home so I left him with the wind and rain. I pulled into my driveway and made my into the house, contemplating the poor Coffman family.

At the dinner table I asked Mom and Dad about the Coffmans. "That poor family," my Mom said. "Such a sad story." "I gave Randy Coffman a ride and he told me about it. Those poor girls," I said. My Dad's eyes grew big and my Mom gasped just a bit. "Did you say Randy Coffman?" my Dad asked. "Yeah," I replied. "He told me about what happened to his sisters. So sad!" "I'm sorry," my Dad said. "You must be mistaken. Randy Coffman died in a car wreck twenty years ago."

Barn Party

Annie had her 30th birthday party in her parents barn in Blaine, Oregon. It was awesome and so barnish! There was motors, slain deers, air compressors, cows, kegs, costumes, rain on the tin roof and hay bail beds. There was even a midnight walk to a nearby cemetery where I told the ghost story 'Randy Coffman'.










Friday, October 31, 2008

Measuring Tool

We have a house so of course we need a tape measure. I thought I was being funny when I took a sharpie and wrote on the back of it. Gina asked me "What if my Dad wants to borrow that?"

Sweet Fucking Revenge

Last Halloween these motherfuckers threw a rock at our big living room window and busted it. It's double paned so we still had one sheet of glass protecting us from the elements. So there we were for 6 months or so with a busted window. They got our neighbors too. Kids will be kids I guess. In an effort to discourage the little assholes from trick or treating at my house I bought the most bull shit trick or treat candy you can give out: 5 huge pounds of fucking Smarties. No kid wants this crap. That's what you get for costing me $300 and time. Well, as it turns out we did have about a dozen or so trick or treaters this season, and I would say the average age is probably 6 or so and they were mostly with their parents. I doubt any of these little fellas (Spiderman, Darth Vader with a robot voice, Joe the kid in street clothes, etc.) broke my window last year. Well, I guess at the same time if you're that young any candy is good candy. That reminds me, these poor kids in street clothes trick or treating. I remember when Alex and I lived in Foster one year I think I was Count von Count from Sesame Street (hard plastic mask and all) and Alex was Joe the kid in street Clothes. We must have 9 or so. Poor Alex had a hole is his bag of candy and I said "Mom, there's candy in the street."

Community College Photography Class

I had a photography class at community college once. Someone took a picture of a stack of wood from the side and the rest of the class was stunned. A 50 year laid off mill worker couldn't believe energy he saw, a half involved 18 year old was shocked by the depth of the shot, and a 35 year old housewife said it was like clouds; she saw a dog, waves, the Milky Way, three distinct faces and a heart reaching out to her. This discussion went on for the entire class. I couldn't believe the instructor put up with this boring ass bullshit! I've decided to post my own form of this stunning art. Beware the power!!!

A Shit Sprayed Halloween



On my way from work today (Halloween) I stopped on Alberta St. to check out some bikes at CCC. A big truck pulled up outside next to my car, stuck a big tube down the manhole and starting making a huge racket. I went outside and the entire neighborhood smelled like rotten sewer. I almost vomited and puked. I ran to my car only to feel like I was getting rained on- except it wasn't raining. I realized I was getting rained upon by the spray of sewer coming from the truck pumping away at a city full of human shit. It was a fine mist of stink and disease. Realizing my situation I panicked and jumped in the car and drove to the car wash by my house, stunned by the amount of crap splattered all across my car. What the fuck! When I smelled my hand it wreaked like my bathroom in college that I didn't clean for nine months. I almost vomited in the car. I told the situation to the gas station attendant and he immediately said to his coworker "This car is covered in human shit." Notice all the splatters in the pictures!


Pick Up the Phone

Gina and I hit up The Notwist at Berbati's on the 25th. I like to film favorite songs of people I see and then never watch them again. I love seeing these guys live. Sorry about the shaky camera work. I think a had one too many PBRs. I should mention something that changed since last time I saw them a couple of years ago. Now the guy on the left somehow plays his instrument by using a paddle from a Wii.

A Good First Name: Studs


I heard on NPR that a man named Studs died today at the age of 96. Man, he sure had a good first name.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Cold



I was browsing a site about touring bikes and stumbled across this picture. I have a few friends who bike in the rain, but this guy takes it to a whole new level.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Neighbors Bike


Our neighbors, Josh and Fran, are great people who are a pleasure to have next door. I'm not sure if they feel the same way. We let our dandelions grow wild all summer and our front and back yards are typically full of some sort of junk. One day last summer Josh put a Schwinn Traveler on the sidewalk with a free sign. It's a pretty sweet ride so we grabbed it. For some reason we were a little embarrassed about taking it so we don't take it out of the shed unless they're not home. "Are Josh and Fran around?" "I don't see them.... I think it's safe." "OK, let's see if the tires hold air."

Today's Scores

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Bridge to Somewhere



<--- Ketchikan mayor Dave Kiffer. I lived in Ketchikan off and on for seven years. I love it there and rave about it to anyone who will listen. I also know that as time passes my memories gain luster; you forget the boring, you forget the cold, you forget the wet, you forget the isolation. In 2006 when the bridge to nowhere first made headlines I thought it was funny. I, like the mayor, am a huge proponent of the bridge to nowhere. My reasons are different then the reasons described in the Newsweek article. Kiffer talks about lack of growth potential and a 30 year promise. Sure, those are fine. But I'm also a believer in the epic for the sake of the epic. The bridge would be almost as long as the Golden Gate and higher than the Brooklyn Bridge. Holy shit! I am jealous of all things Golden Gate, Space Needle, St. Louis Arch, Eiffel Tower, etc. Portland lacks this distinguishing landmark. Why not Ketchikan? The waste of money? In reality, it's all wasted anyway. We might as well put hundreds of people to work in Ketchikan for years spending four hundred million dollars building what might end up being one of Alaska's biggest landmarks. Ketchikan calls itself the gateway of Alaska. Sitting on the deck of a cruise ship or a ferry as you passed underneath this behemoth would certainly feel like a gate! Ooh the symbolism!